For songwriter, singer and musician, Tom Goss, music meant much more than creating meaningful and beautiful sounds; it became a way to work out anger and frustrations that he developed as a teenager and young adult. Tom was raised in a family of gymnasts and everyone thought that he would be following in their footsteps, however; in 9th grade he found that wrestling was a better outlet for him. Tom has never done anything half-heartedly, he was rewarded with a wrestling scholarship to college.
His first musical accomplishment was to master the guitar. The Dave Matthews Band was his inspiration. He notes that song-writing brought on new challenges. After many failed attempts at his own, complex writing style he discovered that the simplicity of music composed by David Gray had so much more meaning. It was at this time that he started writing and playing the “from the heart” songs for which he is so well known.
At first this looks like a well-written fairy tale- how I became a singer but there is much more to the story but only Tom tells it best:
“I graduated with a BS in Education (Social Studies). Immediately I biked New Zealand and became a substitute teacher. In the fall of 2004 I moved to Washington, DC to join The Paulist Fathers, a Catholic religious community, to study to become a priest.
The year and a half I spent living in community and studying to become a priest was in many ways the worst year and a half of my life. I entered the church in hopes of becoming a reconciler. By the time I left the church I was alienated from God himself. I had transplanted myself in a new city, gave up everything I owned to do so, and was now jobless, moneyless and without friends. I had nothing tying me anywhere. After a couple days of reflection I understood the value in this. I could do anything I wanted, wherever I wanted. I decided to stay in DC and make a record. For the first time in my life music was not a hobby, it would become the main focus of my energy. 6 months later I released my first record, Naked Without. You can hear the rawness of my life at this time. Self produced and recorded, it kick-started my career in the music business.
To backtrack a little, the best thing that came out of seminary for me was falling in love. It’s interesting that as I write this, there is no mention of sexuality anywhere. I’m not omitting that, it just was not a part of my life in any way until I was 24. I didn’t have an attraction to women and spent most of my days around beautiful, young and fit men. I was not attracted to them either. I came to the conclusion that either people were lying about this attraction or I was simply asexual. I came to the conclusion that I was asexual. This was another reason that seminary didn’t scare me. I was practicing celibacy my whole life, the idea of practicing in in the context of a religious community seemed easy. I was wrong. About halfway through my first year in seminary I fell in love.
To most people, the idea of falling in love with someone of the same sex is scary. For me it was exhilarating. I was 24 and had never even had a crush on someone. I watched the world around me participate in this magnetic energy, all the while not even believing it existed. People think it’s alienating to be gay. It is. But it is nowhere near as alienating as being asexual. Understanding the type of man I was attracted to was freeing. Suddenly I understood so much more and was connected with a wider community of people who felt similarly.
Almost immediately after leaving seminary I met Mike. He has been the most positive and healing influence of my life. We have been together now for 7.5 years. We were married in October of 2010. We are two of the luckiest people I know.
Today tom is actively living a full and enriched life touring and conducting workshops on college campuses and in the corporate sector throughout the country. Several of workshop titles include:
• Coming Out After College
• Marriage Equality 101